Grilled Cheese

Absolutely CheeZee

You know I love perfectly cooked grilled cheese.

The All American, grilled cheese with tomato basil soup.

A 7 mile bike ride from the hotel north on A1A.

Our story

This is not the end of our story.

The distance between here and there is only time.

And time always passes

The most stressful events in life

1     Death of a spouse            100
2     Divorce                            73

3     Martial separation      65
4     Death of close family       63
5     Major illness          53
6     Being fired from job    47
7     Retirement               45
8     Marriage                 50
9     Pregnancy                40
10    Change in Finances     38

Heaven

Heaven's lucky to have you

So was I...

The worst day

We both died that day, but I have to get up and relive the worst day of my life over and over.

Reality

Grief is more than missing someone; it is an unrelenting ache for reality to be different and for the impossible to come true.

The Last Kiss

I kissed your forehead...

for the very last time. You lay there peacefully, while my whole world was falling apart.

I tried to be strong, because I knew... once I walked away, i'd never get to hold you again.

I whispered "I love you."

I hoped, somehow... you could still hear me.

But the only thing that answered me was silence.

Stood there, memorizing your face... knowing this kiss wasn't just goodbye,

it was the last time i'd ever touch the love of my life. And no matter how

many years pass, my heart will never be ready for that goodbye.

Depression

Have you ever wondered why someone struggling with depression can sleep for 12 hours and still wake up completely exhausted? Or why a simple task like cooking dinner or answering a text feels like climbing a mountain?

Depression fatigue is a profound, total-body exhaustion. It is a biological reality, not a lack of effort.

Here is what is actually happening beneath the surface:

1. A Brain on Low Battery

Depression disrupts brain chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine is your brain’s "reward and motivation" signal. When it drops, your brain struggles to initiate actions. It strips away your drive, making even basic tasks feel physically impossible to start.

2. The "Flu" Signal (Chronic Inflammation)

Research shows that depression triggers mild, chronic inflammation in the body. Your immune system releases proteins called cytokines, which send signals to your brain that mimic "sickness behavior." This is why depression literally feels like having a heavy, achy, exhausting case of the flu.

3. High Background Processing

Imagine a laptop with twenty heavy apps running in the background. Even if you aren't actively typing, the battery drains fast. A brain fighting depression is constantly burning massive amounts of energy processing negative thoughts, emotional pain, and anxiety.

4. Broken Sleep Architecture

Depression severely disrupts deep sleep and REM cycles. Even if someone is in bed for a long time, their brain isn't completing its necessary "restorative housekeeping." They are resting, but they aren't actually recharging.

If you or someone you love is experiencing this, please know: It is not laziness. It's not a feeling. It is a physical symptom of a medical condition.

Be gentle with yourself today. If all you did was survive the day on 10% battery, you still did a hard day's work. 

Small Acts of Kindness

Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. It is the small every day deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love.

    J.R.R. Tolkien

    The Hobbit, published 1937

Together

We did everything together, now I do everything alone.

King Tide

King Tides coupled with a storm off the east coast causing 40 mph on shore winds Sunday - Tuesday. Water was up to the sea wall at the end of the parking lot.

Grief Support for Loss of Spouse

Surviving spouses face a 66% to 90% higher risk of death in the first three months after a partner passes away, a medical phenomenon known as the "widow hood effect".

Over the entire first year, grieving men face up to a 70% higher risk of death, while grieving women face a 27% higher risk.

Plants

I sold the staghorn fern and other plants this week.
They would not do well in Ohio and they are too large to try and move.
I really do like having plants but I had to let them go.

Once I get settled in a new place then I will see what plants might make sense there.

Cooking

Today is the first time that I have actually cooked a meal since you passed.

Kielbasa, green beans and potatoes sounded good on this cool day.

Car Plates

I made it to the Tax Accessors office today to turn in your car plates and handicap parking tags. Even this is sad to do.

Sunday 10/18

After working for 3 days with Rhonda on packing and cleaning.

Sunday was chilly enough that I decided to use the fireplace and relax for the evening.

We have 3-4 nights in the low 50s.

Wooden Doll & Watch

I found the wooden doll & book as well as the watch of Lucy that Shery was looking for.

I will take them to Ohio when I go in November.

Bench

The Preserves is going to do a memorial service for Jeni.

They will get getting a teal colored bench to place next to the preserves pons with a plaque to honor her.

Teal is the color for ovarian cancer.

This will be where the place the bench. If the do the front left corner it will give you a nice peaceful view of the pond and the greenway beyond.

Cleaning & Packing

Rhonda came to Ocala for 3 days to help me get things packed up and organized.

We cleaned / sorted / packed the bathroom, bedroom, living room, the office, and the 2 storage cabinets.

We went through 40+ trash bags.

And took 3-4 car loads to the donation center.

A letter from Heaven

To my husband, who I loved and cared for with love and patience. I felt truly loved by you. No wife could have asked for more. God has truly blessed me with you. I want to say a few words to you from Heaven.

I am happy here; there is perfect joy and beauty in this everlasting light. All the pain and grief is over, I am now at peace forever, safely home in heaven. Please listen to me. Do not live your life in complete sorrow, this is not what I want to see. Grieve for me, but for a short time please. If you look deep within your heart, we will never be apart. I am still here beside you. When you feel sadness. I do too. It hurts me to see you're feeling sad and blue. I understand that you miss me and that I am gone. Remember: I am still with you. If I could come back, for just one day I know exactly what I would say to you:

Dear Family.

I know you loved me with all your heart and didn't want me to depart. God saw that I was getting tired and a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around me and whispered, "Come to me." When you think of my life on earth, and all the loving years and laughs we had, because you are only human, they ae bound to bring you tears. 

Let me grow as an Angel

Let me be free.

Let my wings spread open wide and fly.

I love you always and forever.

I will be your angel in the Sky.

Wife

    -- from my Counselor

        Monarch Center for Hope & Healing

        Ocala, FL