Grief One Day at a Time

JULY 17

"But here I am in July, and why am I thinking about Christmas pudding? Probably because we always pine for what we do not have. The winter seems cozy and romantic in the hell of summer, but hot beaches and sunlight are what we yearn for all winter"

Joanna Franklin Bell

That about sums up our grief: We are pining for what we do not have. Yet when we had our special people with us, we did not always appreciate the moments we shared.

Such is human nature. It's all but impossible to constantly live in appreciation of the now. We're equipped with minds that remember as well as project into the future. Through our imagination, we travel through time and space at the drop of a hat. This is both a gift and a curse.

But maintaining a mindful presence is something we can work on. The more skilled at it we become the more we are likely to appreciate the rest of our days. We will always remember (thank goodness) and worry about what is to come, but we can also become more adept at inhabiting the now.

I am pining for what I do not have - you.

I am working on appreciating what I do have right now. 

From the book

Grief One Day at a Time

365 Meditations to help you heal after loss

by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH. D.

Woodstock tattoo

 Beauty in a Canvas Tattoo and Art Gallery

After work on Friday I decided to go get a tattoo of Woodstock

Jeni loved Woodstock

This will always remind me of her

Husband and wide in old age

 

Bok Tower

Bok Tower Gardens

3 years ago we made an adventure to Bok Tower Gardens in Lake Wales Florida.
We walked the gardens and listed to the bells play.

It was a hot day but we did find a table in the shade to sit for a while and enjoy the day.

We had lunch at the little cafe.

Jeni - Monday June 29 2026

 56 days ... another rough day

Seems like I am struggling to just get by. I get up, get cleaned up, work, exercise, eat supper, and go to bed.

Think of and talk to you all the time. I look for you in things I find of beauty. The clouds, the birds singing on my morning walk, the sunrise, and the sunset.

Every day is tough. Oh how I wish you were still by my side so I could tell you one more  time that I love you. I am glad that you are no longer in pain... I  guess that is the good side.

Your journey has ended and mine has to go on. I like to think that you are by my side in spirit and can experience my adventures as I carry on.

Another counseling session today. I seem to cry for the entire hour. I think it helps but part of me does not want to go because of the feelings that I face.

I am so happy that I got to my share life with you for the 32 years we were married, you have been the best part of my life. 

Sunset

Walking to the mailbox this evening when I saw the sun setting and the rays were very distinct. The picture does not do it justice. You could see the bottom of the clouds being hit by the rays.

Last thoughts of the day thinking of you. I miss you every day.

When I leave

When I leave, don't let sorrow linger too long in your heart. Hold your words gently and cherish the memories that still bring warmth to your soul.

When I close my eyes for the final time, let me rest in peace. My journey will have reached its destination. If you miss me, sit quietly for a moment and look for me in the places I loved—in my books, my letters, my photographs, and in the notes I scribbled in haste. You will find pieces of me there.

Wear my favorite sweater, my old jacket, or the shirts I once wore. Walk the paths I walked. My room, my pillow, and my bed are yours now. On cold days, wrap yourself in my scarves. Enjoy the chocolate I saved, the wine I never finished, and listen to the songs that made me smile. Wear my fragrance from time to time and take care of the plants I left behind.

If my body returns to the earth, do not be afraid. Let your tears fall freely if they must. Feel the wind against your face and remember that life is still singing around you—in poetry, in music, in the rustling trees. Kiss the earth, drink from the rivers, and learn the language of the birds.

And if you miss me deeply, seek me in the simple things: in children’s laughter, in the aroma of morning coffee, in familiar melodies on the radio, and in the quiet corners where I once found peace.

Do not let the word "death" define me. Sometimes being forgotten is far sadder than leaving this world. As long as I am remembered with love, a part of me remains.

Bring flowers if you visit my resting place, but more importantly, celebrate life. Shout into the wind that life continues, that the flame of existence does not fade because one light has gone from sight.

Those we truly love never disappear completely. They live on in memories, in lessons, in laughter, and in the hearts they touched. What we call goodbye is often only a different way of staying close.

And when you reach out your hand in a quiet moment, perhaps you'll feel my presence beside you. Then you'll know that love never really leaves—it simply changes form.

One day, with a smile instead of tears, you will think of me and realize that I never truly went away. I have been with you all along.

Jeni obituary link

Received 2 metal plates than can be affixed to the headstone.
This is the link.

I think I will do that the next time I am in Ohio.

Grace Davis Hall

 The last place I got to spend time with you physically...

I have counseling in the building next door, it is tough to drive by the building every week. They took very good care of you, I cannot say enough good things about them.

The walk path has a tree with butterflies hanging on it that people have placed as a memorial. I will have to look into getting one for your. I would rather have one of these than getting a brick carved in your memory.

River

I sat by the river for a while today.
Peaceful, quiet.

Missing you and the adventures we shared every day.

Aventon bike

We had picked out electric bikes about 2 years ago but never purchased them. A year ago we looked at electric trikes thinking that would be easier for you to ride.

I went and got an Aventon Aventure 3 today.

I absolutely love it.

I am sorry that you and I were not able to share this together.

We did enjoy renting them and riding around Cades Cover in TN and the day we rented them in Key West, FL.4

It's OK That You're not OK

 This book was recommended by a Gary Allen.

Hi Travis, I was  friends with Jeni since we were kids. First allow me to say I am so sorry for your loss. She was a wonderful person. One of my favorite classmates. I lost my mom about two weeks ago and I lost my son almost a year ago so I never really have dealt with all of that and now I'm trying to help my dad get through this. My parents were married 73 years and he's 91 years old. But what I'm gonna say that really it didn't fix it but it kind of helped me understand was reading this book and I wanted to make sure I said something to you about it. A friend of mine lost her husband about two months ago and I talked to her the other day and she said this book really helped her so I wanted to make sure I shared that information with you. Man take care of yourself the best you can and God bless. Your wife was truly an angel from the time I knew her and I knew her about 50 years.
--Gary Allen

I order the book on amazon.

When I'm Gone...

 

Old Age

Yellow Flower Pots

Today I filled your yellow flower pots with new flowers. The extended cold spell this past winter took it's toloon the old ones.

I need to get them repainted. I bought the paint but I need the wind to calm down first, then Gina a place to paint them.

Saturday Pool Time

 I was up early on a Saturday, 5:45, got my 3 mile walk in then walked up to Eli's for breakfast.

After breakfast and a shower I spent some time at the pool. This time of the year it is common to be the only one there. Laid out for a while to air dry before going home.

Then I ran some errands, haircut, Paddock Mall, and Walmart for some groceries and to pick up a picture I printed from Google Photos. I found a nice 5x7 wood frame for it. I currently have it sitting on the island since I am not sure where it will end up, maybe in the bedroom or by the TV on the back wall.

                                                   

Grief

I don't know what grief will look like tomorrow.

But I'll face it.

I'll feel it.

As your memory washes over me.

One day at a time.

One wave at a time.

For such a love, grief is the price of admission.

The cost of the human condition.

So, I'll pay it over and over again until I see you again.

The love was worth it.

    -Liz Newman

Magnolia Bloom

The magnolia trees by the front gate have been blooming for a while now but last night was the first that their scent was strong enough to notice.

Woodstock

 

Smile

 I miss your smile
You always had a happy with the world smile

Your favorite Greek fisherman's cap, the Burrito Works Taco restaurant in St Augustine that we always ate at, and your cat eye glasses.