I’ll miss you for the rest of my life

I’ll miss you for the rest of my life.

Sometimes I don’t think people understand how long that is.

The rest of my life.

However many years I have left, I have to live every single one of them without you.

I’ll get older, and you won’t.

There will be pictures of me at ages you never get to see. There will be people who become important to me that you will never know.

There will be whole parts of me that come after you.

And that is so hard for me to accept.

Because our time together is finished.

There are no more years being added to it. No new stories between us. No new pictures of us. No chance to know each other five years from now, or ten, or twenty.

Everything we had has already happened.

But my life keeps going.

Every birthday I have puts more time between the last time you were here and where I am now.

And one day, I may realize I have lived more of my life without you than I ever got to live with you.

I don’t know what to do with that.

Because I never wanted you to become someone from an earlier part of my life.

I wanted you in all of it.

And all of it was supposed to be so much longer.

Written by: Aimee Suyko - In Their Footsteps

If these words connected with you, you’ll find many more like them in What Remains. It’s a collection of the writings I’ve shared over the years, bringing together reflections on grief, love, loss, and the connections that continue long after someone is gone.

I hope it brings you comfort, understanding, and the reminder that you're not alone.

What Remains is Now Available on Amazon

Desiderata

This is the original text from the book where Desiderata was first published.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

by Max Ehrmann ©1927

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves."

 - John Muir

Brain Cancer

One year ago today, Jeni shared her brain cancer diagnosis on Facebook. Looking back, I really feel this was the point where her health and quality of life truly took a turn. After three and a half years of chemo treatments and procedures, being hit with this felt unimaginable.

Yet, when she posted it, she was just so matter-of-fact about everything.

I remember sitting in the hospital ER for nine long hours that night—waiting, hoping, and dreading the news I felt deep down was coming. She had been dealing with severe headaches that no over-the-counter medicine could touch. We had been to the ER so many times before, and it was always the same agonizing wait: praying for good news, terrified of the bad.

Shortly after, she had surgery on Monday morning to remove the largest tumor threatening her life, followed by rounds of radiation treatments.

Jeni, your strength through all that you went through never ceased to amaze me. Thank you to everyone who has stood by us, prayed for us, and supported us.

I love you and still miss you every day.  ❤️

When Someone Takes Their Own Life

When Someone Takes Their Own Life
by Norman Vincent Peale

In many ways, this seems the most tragic form of death. Certainly it can entail more shock and grief for those who are left behind than any other. And often the stigma of suicide is what rests most heavily on those left behind. My heart goes out to those who are left behind, because I know that they suffer terribly.

Children in particular are left under a cloud of differentness all the more terrifying because it can never be fully explained or lifted.

The immediate family of the victim is left wide open to tidal waves of guilt: “What did I fail to do that I should have done? What did I do that was wrong?”

To such grieving persons I can only say, “Lift up your heads and your hearts. Surely you did your best. And surely the loved one who is gone did his best, for as long as he could. Remember, now, that his battles and torments are over. Do not judge him, and do not presume to fathom the mind of God where this one of His children is concerned.”

A few years ago, when a young man died by his own hand, a service for him was conducted by his pastor, the Rev. Weston Stevens. What he said that day expresses far more eloquently than I can, the message that I’m trying to convey. Here are some of his words:

“Our friend died on his own battlefield. He was killed in action fighting a civil war. He fought against adversaries that were as real to him as his casket is real to us.

They were powerful adversaries. They took toll of his energies and endurance. They exhausted the last vestiges of his courage and his strength.

At last these adversaries overwhelmed him. And it appeared that he had lost the war.

But did he? I see a host of victories that he has won.

For one thing, he has won our admiration, because even if he lost the war, we give him credit for his bravery on the battlefield. And we give him credit for the courage and pride and hope that he used as his weapons as long as he could.

We shall remember not his death, but his daily victories gained through his kindnesses and thoughtfulness, through his love for family and friends, for animals and books and music, for all things beautiful, lovely and honorable.

We shall remember not his last day of defeat, but we shall remember the many days that he was victorious over overwhelming odds.

We shall remember not the years we thought he had left, but the intensity with which he lived the years that he had.

Only God knows what this child of His suffered in the silent skirmishes that took place in his soul. But our consolation is that God does know, and understands.”

John T. Maltsberger, M.D., past president of the American Association of Suicidology, practicing psychiatrist, and teacher at Harvard Medical School once wrote:

“There is no suffering greater than that which drives people to suicide; suicide defines the moment in which mental pain exceeds the human capacity to bear it. It represents the abandonment of hope.”

Be gentle with your grieving hearts

Do all the good you can

Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.

John Wesley