Carrying the silence alone

It's not just the fact that you're

gone it's everything that went

quiet with you. I don't laugh

the same, I don't sleep the same,

I don't feel things the same way anymore.

You were the one who made

things feel a little less heavy.

Now I carry all of it alone. And

no matter how long it's been,

I still wake up wishing you were here.

    -- from Hearts in Tears

My days

My days

no longer contain you,

but you will always

reside deeply in me.

    --Edward Lee

5 Months, Decisions & Flowers

It has been five months without you by my side. I wish you good morning every day and tell you goodnight every evening. I look up to the sky and talk to you every day. I miss you so much. 

I know you would want me to live my life and be happy. I am still struggling with that. It is a roller coaster of emotions. Even a new car and bike only make me partially happy. It is fleeting. Things that bring me happiness are also tied to the sadness that you are not here to enjoy them with me. Everything we did,  every decision we made for 32 years we did together. Making the decision to buy a car on my own was difficult. Working as a team, making these kinds of decisions was easier.

There are a lot of upcoming decisions I will need to make on my own. I do not look forward to it, but I will make them as best as I can. I hope you understand what I am going through and will not hold any of these decisions against me. I am doing the best I can trying to make the best decisions I can.

Flowers for you Jeni, yellow, your favorite color.

I'm going to tell you something

I am going to tell you something that most people are too afraid to say out loud...

There may come a moment when you heart shatters so completely, you'll ache to follow the one you've lost. You'll crave their presence so deeply, the thought of staying here might feel impossible.

But in that moment, that sacred, breaking moment, you must choose life. Live for them. Live foe the ones who still reach for you. And live for yourself, because your story isn't finished yet.

Your purpose is still unfolding. There is more love for you to give, more healing to bring, more light to be found, even here, even now.

Zoe Clark-Coates
@zoeadelle

Unbearable Privilege

I carry the unbearable privilege of growing older as you stay frozen in time.
I will not waste the years you were denied.
I will live them with your name tucked inside of every beautiful thing because to live on, is to honor you.

copied from unknown

Santos Trails

Santos Trails

Six of us went to the Santos Trailhead this morning.

We rode 30 miles in hot and humid weather.

As long as you were moving to create a breeze, it was not too bad.

After the ride we went to Cracker Barrell for lunch.

The Landbridge Trailhead over I-75

Lynden, Alice, Crystal, Wayne, Travis, Mel

The Durango carried the bike without issues.
Only problem was it would not go into reverse with the bike rack on.

Had to google how to turn off the parking assist in order to back up