A letter from Heaven

To my husband, who I loved and cared for with love and patience. I felt truly loved by you. No wife could have asked for more. God has truly blessed me with you. I want to say a few words to you from Heaven.

I am happy here; there is perfect joy and beauty in this everlasting light. All the pain and grief is over, I am now at peace forever, safely home in heaven. Please listen to me. Do not live your life in complete sorrow, this is not what I want to see. Grieve for me, but for a short time please. If you look deep within your heart, we will never be apart. I am still here beside you. When you feel sadness. I do too. It hurts me to see you're feeling sad and blue. I understand that you miss me and that I am gone. Remember: I am still with you. If I could come back, for just one day I know exactly what I would say to you:

Dear Family.

I know you loved me with all your heart and didn't want me to depart. God saw that I was getting tired and a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around me and whispered, "Come to me." When you think of my life on earth, and all the loving years and laughs we had, because you are only human, they ae bound to bring you tears. 

Let me grow as an Angel

Let me be free.

Let my wings spread open wide and fly.

I love you always and forever.

I will be your angel in the Sky.

Wife

    -- from my Counselor

        Monarch Center for Hope & Healing

        Ocala, FL

When the missing gets so heavy

When the missing gets so heavy

I can barely breathe; I tell myself this:

you didn't leave me.

You just arrived early.

You didn't get to stay.

You didn't get to grow old,

to see the future we were counting on.

I hate that your story ended

while mine is still being written.

But I refuse to believe this is the end.

I believe you're simply waiting

a little further down the road.

And when I finally get there,

I hope your face is the first I see.

Until then, save me a place beside you.

One day, I'll walk in,

and we'll be together again.

SpaceX launch to resupply the ISS 10/13/2026

Carrying the silence alone

It's not just the fact that you're

gone it's everything that went

quiet with you. I don't laugh

the same, I don't sleep the same,

I don't feel things the same way anymore.

You were the one who made

things feel a little less heavy.

Now I carry all of it alone. And

no matter how long it's been,

I still wake up wishing you were here.

    -- from Hearts in Tears

My days

My days

no longer contain you,

but you will always

reside deeply in me.

    --Edward Lee

5 Months, Decisions & Flowers

It has been five months without you by my side. I wish you good morning every day and tell you goodnight every evening. I look up to the sky and talk to you every day. I miss you so much. 

I know you would want me to live my life and be happy. I am still struggling with that. It is a roller coaster of emotions. Even a new car and bike only make me partially happy. It is fleeting. Things that bring me happiness are also tied to the sadness that you are not here to enjoy them with me. Everything we did,  every decision we made for 32 years we did together. Making the decision to buy a car on my own was difficult. Working as a team, making these kinds of decisions was easier.

There are a lot of upcoming decisions I will need to make on my own. I do not look forward to it, but I will make them as best as I can. I hope you understand what I am going through and will not hold any of these decisions against me. I am doing the best I can trying to make the best decisions I can.

Flowers for you Jeni, yellow, your favorite color.