Husband and wide in old age

 

Bok Tower

Bok Tower Gardens

3 years ago we made an adventure to Bok Tower Gardens in Lake Wales Florida.
We walked the gardens and listed to the bells play.

It was a hot day but we did find a table in the shade to sit for a while and enjoy the day.

We had lunch at the little cafe.

Jeni - Monday June 29 2026

 56 days ... another rough day

Seems like I am struggling to just get by. I get up, get cleaned up, work, exercise, eat supper, and go to bed.

Think of and talk to you all the time. I look for you in things I find of beauty. The clouds, the birds singing on my morning walk, the sunrise, and the sunset.

Every day is tough. Oh how I wish you were still by my side so I could tell you one more  time that I love you. I am glad that you are no longer in pain... I  guess that is the good side.

Your journey has ended and mine has to go on. I like to think that you are by my side in spirit and can experience my adventures as I carry on.

Another counseling session today. I seem to cry for the entire hour. I think it helps but part of me does not want to go because of the feeling that I face.

I am so happy that I got to my share life with you for the 32 years we were married, you have been the best part of my life. 

Sunset

Walking to the mailbox this evening when I saw the sun setting and the rays were very distinct. The picture does not do it justice. You could see the bottom of the clouds being hit by the rays.

Last thoughts of the day thinking of you. I miss you every day.

Stripe's 19th

Happy 19th birthday Stripe. 

Ocklawaha Prairie Restoration Area

 Ocklawaha Prairie Restoration Area

We had started to hike this area several years ago but we did not go much past the woods on the right. It opened up to full sun on a hot day.

I took the bike today to see the entire trail, it is about 12 miles in total and very little of it in the shade. The first 5 miles is on a gravel and sand road that was not too bad to ride on. There is a part in the middle that does have some shade.

The last half of the loop is a car path with tall grass. It was difficult peddling. When my kegs got tired I did use the throttle for about 2 miles. The end of the trail was a little easier and I went back to peddling. 

There is a bridge that goes to the north entrance. Nice views up and down the river.

There were lots of sand hill cranes.

Some shade on the back loop section and you can see the trail is grass covered.

When I leave

When I leave, don't let sorrow linger too long in your heart. Hold your words gently and cherish the memories that still bring warmth to your soul.

When I close my eyes for the final time, let me rest in peace. My journey will have reached its destination. If you miss me, sit quietly for a moment and look for me in the places I loved—in my books, my letters, my photographs, and in the notes I scribbled in haste. You will find pieces of me there.

Wear my favorite sweater, my old jacket, or the shirts I once wore. Walk the paths I walked. My room, my pillow, and my bed are yours now. On cold days, wrap yourself in my scarves. Enjoy the chocolate I saved, the wine I never finished, and listen to the songs that made me smile. Wear my fragrance from time to time and take care of the plants I left behind.

If my body returns to the earth, do not be afraid. Let your tears fall freely if they must. Feel the wind against your face and remember that life is still singing around you—in poetry, in music, in the rustling trees. Kiss the earth, drink from the rivers, and learn the language of the birds.

And if you miss me deeply, seek me in the simple things: in children’s laughter, in the aroma of morning coffee, in familiar melodies on the radio, and in the quiet corners where I once found peace.

Do not let the word "death" define me. Sometimes being forgotten is far sadder than leaving this world. As long as I am remembered with love, a part of me remains.

Bring flowers if you visit my resting place, but more importantly, celebrate life. Shout into the wind that life continues, that the flame of existence does not fade because one light has gone from sight.

Those we truly love never disappear completely. They live on in memories, in lessons, in laughter, and in the hearts they touched. What we call goodbye is often only a different way of staying close.

And when you reach out your hand in a quiet moment, perhaps you'll feel my presence beside you. Then you'll know that love never really leaves—it simply changes form.

One day, with a smile instead of tears, you will think of me and realize that I never truly went away. I have been with you all along.

Jeni obituary link

Received 2 metal plates than can be affixed to the headstone.
This is the link.

I think I will do that the next time I am in Ohio.

Alligator & Turtle

 Saw an alligator in the Preserves pond today while on one of my walks.

A little tiny guy.

Grace Davis Hall

 The last place I got to spend time with you physically...

I have counseling in the building next door, it is tough to drive by the building every week. They took very good care of you, I cannot say enough good things about them.

The walk path has a tree with butterflies hanging on it that people have placed as a memorial. I will have to look into getting one for your. I would rather have one of these than getting a brick carved in your memory.

Manatee

Watched two manatee swimming / playing in the Ocklawaha Rive

 

River

I sat by the river for a while today.
Peaceful, quiet.

Missing you and the adventures we shared every day.

Aventon bike

We had picked out electric bikes about 2 years ago but never purchased them. A year ago we looked at electric trikes thinking that would be easier for you to ride.

I went and got an Aventon Aventure 3 today.

I absolutely love it.

I am sorry that you and I were not able to share this together.

We did enjoy renting them and riding around Cades Cover in TN and the day we rented them in Key West, FL.4

It's OK That You're not OK

 This book was recommended by a Gary Allen.

Hi Travis, I was  friends with Jeni since we were kids. First allow me to say I am so sorry for your loss. She was a wonderful person. One of my favorite classmates. I lost my mom about two weeks ago and I lost my son almost a year ago so I never really have dealt with all of that and now I'm trying to help my dad get through this. My parents were married 73 years and he's 91 years old. But what I'm gonna say that really it didn't fix it but it kind of helped me understand was reading this book and I wanted to make sure I said something to you about it. A friend of mine lost her husband about two months ago and I talked to her the other day and she said this book really helped her so I wanted to make sure I shared that information with you. Man take care of yourself the best you can and God bless. Your wife was truly an angel from the time I knew her and I knew her about 50 years.
--Gary Allen

I order the book on amazon.

Burn 9 Year Anniversary

June 17, 2017 - 9 Years ago today we were camping with family at John Bryan State Park Campground when I  was burned trying to light the charcoal.

Previously the worst pain I have experienced was on July 30, 2015 with my heart attack.

The pain from having 2nd degree burns on 20% of my body far exceeded the pain from the heart attack.
The one difference with the heart attack was the feeling that I was about to die. We had always been trained as an EMT to ask if the patient was feeling an impending sense of doom. I did not fully understand that question until that day.

The major recovery took until July 20 2015 but the full recovery took years and even today I still experience issues with the burn scars when I am out in the  sun.

When I'm Gone...

 

Old Age

Yellow Flower Pots

Today I filled your yellow flower pots with new flowers. The extended cold spell this past winter took it's toloon the old ones.

I need to get them repainted. I bought the paint but I need the wind to calm down first, then Gina a place to paint them.

Saturday Pool Time

 I was up early on a Saturday, 5:45, got my 3 mile walk in then walked up to Eli's for breakfast.

After breakfast and a shower I spent some time at the pool. This time of the year it is common to be the only one there. Laid out for a while to air dry before going home.

Then I ran some errands, haircut, Paddock Mall, and Walmart for some groceries and to pick up a picture I printed from Google Photos. I found a nice 5x7 wood frame for it. I currently have it sitting on the island since I am not sure where it will end up, maybe in the bedroom or by the TV on the back wall.

                                                   

Grief

I don't know what grief will look like tomorrow.

But I'll face it.

I'll feel it.

As your memory washes over me.

One day at a time.

One wave at a time.

For such a love, grief is the price of admission.

The cost of the human condition.

So, I'll pay it over and over again until I see you again.

The love was worth it.

    -Liz Newman

Magnolia Bloom

The magnolia trees by the front gate have been blooming for a while now but last night was the first that their scent was strong enough to notice.

Woodstock

 

Smile

 I miss your smile
You always had a happy with the world smile

Your favorite Greek fisherman's cap, the Burrito Works Taco restaurant in St Augustine that we always ate at, and your cat eye glasses.

Toothless

Found a good home for Toothless the Dragon.
You thought it looked a little like Stripe and sometimes you called her Toothless.

She will be Sharon and Dave's copilot, may she watch over them.

Sunrise & Rainbow

 I took to pictures on my morning walk, to the east at 6:20 to catch the sunrise, to the west at 6:28 to see a full  rainbow. I took 2, you would have taken ten to twenty. There is a big hole in my heart and life.

I miss you every day.

Rocket Launch

Out for my morning walk and I saw the trail of a Falcon 9 rocket launch at 6:13.

I knew there was supposed to be a launch but I had forgotten about it.

It is pretty cool to just go outside and see one go off. 

Pocket Watch

 From Jeni:

In jewelry box or dresser

Grandma Nina Miller Connor graduation watch

Chain with a knife

Jim Stroup won the chain and knife at a Spring Valley and give it to his grandpa Thomas Sheldon Connor

Fo Alyssa so that she will know the history of the watch and knife

Grandpa always wore the watch to church and sat in the front row

Had candies in his pockets so that all the kids sat with him to get candy

Hats, lots of hats

 

Purse and a Woodstock for Shery.

Violets

 You got these four violets some time ago, made hangers with bowls so that you could hang them in the dining room window.

For the first time, one of them is blooming.

Reflections

 Sitting on the bench watching the river go by.
Just sitting and thinking about you.
Trying to focus on happy memories of the things we did and the places we visited.

Violets

This is the first time your violets have bloomed, sorry you were not able to see it.
You had these for a while.

 

Take the trips

Take the trips.

Short trips, long trips,

24 hour trips, food trips, anything 

that consists of traveling and new experiences.

Jeni called them Adventures

Ocala Wetland Recharge Park

 After visiting Sholom Park I stopped by the Ocala Wetland Recharge Park. I walked the green gator loop trail. It was a little over a mile. I got my 10k steps in before lunch.

Sholom Park

 Went to Sholom Park this morning. We visited this park a couple of times and you liked walking the paths.

The Magnolia trees were blooming. I loved the smell of the one we had at the house in Spring Valley Township. Right by the door so coming and going it always smelled wonderful.